I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Panties = found
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
