I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
