and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
