I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
