can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
