I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
