Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
