He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
