Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
