I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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