He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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