Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
