I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Two words: blizzard sex
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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