Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
