Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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