So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
