just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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