there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Congratulations! We have a period
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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