Already got asked if we're dating
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
