Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
