$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
