Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
