I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
