Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
