I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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