She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
