well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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