After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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