so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
