Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
