Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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