in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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