discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
