if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
