When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
