Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
