I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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