If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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