And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
