I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
