I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
