You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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