my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
