His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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