At least make sure they are 18
Why
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We named our party play list daddy issues
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
