He uses pillows to masturbate.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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