Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
