She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
