I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's the barista slut.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
