Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
