I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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